"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11

Monday, May 4, 2009

Oh How I Ache For Him!!!!

Day 10......

When I was pregnant with Ian I tried my best to prepare for the possibility that he could come early and end up spending time in the NICU. I kept telling myself that this time I would handle it better than I did with my first son! Paxton only spent 11 days in the NICU but it felt like months!!! I handled his stay not so well, I really thought if he stayed there any longer I would lose it!!!!

So here we are day 10 and I feel myself slipping. Each day when I go to see him I know he is that much closer to going home but I still leave in tears! No matter how much you try you cant prepare yourself for the emotional tug a NICU baby pulls on your heart. Everyday I wake up with an empty feeling, like something is missing and I go to sleep feeling the same way , this separation anxiety is killing me. Eight months I carried this precious boy I felt him move and it warmed my heart, he heard my voice and knew mommy loved him. Now he is 20 minutes away and only gets to smell and hear mommy a few hours a day. I will be ok as soon as he is home.

I just need to remind myself to smile like my sweet Ian.........

7 comments:

LYNDEE said...

ahhh honey my heart aches for u, u know im emotional anyway, he looks more like u especially those eyes, so precious, hang in there just keep reminding yrself that he i geting healthy and IS coming hm, i hope u ate yr twix i thought those were yr fav.

Amanda said...

I am so sorry. I cannot imagine what you are feeling being seperated. I will keep you in my thoughts and hopefully he will be home where he belongs in no time at all. HUGS!

Amy said...

I love that sweet smile. My heart is breaking for you. HOpefully he will be with you soon :)

amberdawn said...

I am praying for you, sweet April, only God can give you that blanket of calm. I will pray that He gives you that until Ian comes home, and that Ian will come home really soon!

rCl said...

Still praying! I know it's the most horrible feeling in the world.

MarvelousMOM said...

He is beautiful!!! I'm praying he goes home soon. Thinking of you and your family!! --hugs--

One day at a time said...

Congratulations April...Beautiful!!!